Coping with criticism is one of the hardest things to deal with as an adult. Rest assured, it can be a nightmare, of all nightmares, in a pastor’s life if it is coupled with other issues of discouragement. In this post, I would like to introduce this series and lay the groundwork for future posts. Remember, even though criticism can be harsh, it can also be your best friend.

Nobody, by nature, likes criticism whether it is constructive or not. No spiritual leader, business leader, or community leader likes to be criticized in any way. For a pastor, of a local church, it can be a nightmare; especially if there is a faction in the church who have set themselves against his leadership.

Though criticism is often seen in a bad light it can be a leader’s best tool for self improvement. As stated earlier, it can be a good friend. The Bible speaks of the faithfulness of the wounds of a friend. Consider…

(Proverbs 27:6) “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”  (KJV)

Whether you are a pastor, evangelist or missionary, this series of posts will help you. In fact, anybody who wants to mature as a believer can be helped. For sure, I am writing these posts for my benefit. I need help in this area.

In future posts in this series we will address the following:

1. Thankfulness For Those Who Criticized You.
2. Criticism – A Gift From God.
3. An Important, Self Examining Question.
4. Examining The Sting Of Criticism.
5. Assumptions On Our Part.
6. Sinful Responses To Criticism.
7. What Goes Around, Comes Around.
8. The Danger Of Over-Reacting.

Your Involvement…

Before I conclude this post, I want to invite you to participate in this series with your stories, suggestions, and helpful comments. I would really like this to be a collaboration from several pastors, and various spiritual leaders. Would you please help in this endeavor?

Looking forward to working with each of you in days to come.

The age old adage, “Never assume anything!” should ALWAYS be applied when criticized. When any two people meet and converse, there is the likelihood that conflict can erupt. Some of the tension that occurs while criticism is taking place are the assumptions that we make in the heat of the moment. More often than not, our assumptions are unfounded!

There Four Common Assumptions We Make As Pastors/Spiritual Leaders When Being Criticized…

#1 – We Often Assume That The Person(s) Are Being Mean, Cruel And Are “Full Of The Devil”!

Does this sound familiar? Countless times I walked away from someone thinking this very thing. After considering my actions and the situation later, I come to realize that they probably were not “full of the Devil”, but were certainly used by him. However, we cannot assume that everyone who disagrees with us or has an issue is trying to be cruel and mean when they come to us. After all, we always say that people should come to the pastor with their problems. Why is it when they come that we think bad of them?


#2 – We Often Assume That The Person(s) Are Absolutely Wrong And We Are RIGHT!

Why is it that we usually think we are right and that person is just plain wrong, or, in the very least, does not have their facts straight? The truth is that they probably do have their facts in order, but we are just too blind with pride to admit it! Assuming that we are always right will lead one to a major problem as a leader. A good spiritual leader will guard against thinking that their peers are beneath them.

#3 – We Often Assume That The Person(s) Are In A Conspiracy With Others!

I am not sure why many pastors are paranoid about people aligning themselves against them. I know that it is prevalent in many places and it has happened to many on a number of occasions, but not every person who comes to me with a criticism is one of those people. If we do not get this paranoia under control, it will hinder our ministry. People criticize for a number of reasons, but not all are co-conspirators.

#4 – We Often Assume That The Person(s) Are Just Goofy And Have Issues Themselves Thus Rendering Themselves Irrelevant!

There have been a few occasions where I have to admit that I thought this about one who criticized me. After a meeting one night, I had a fellow to rebuke me in a kind way about wearing a beard. Even though he had no Bible verses to back up his assertions, I just felt like this guy was… well… different! When you travel a lot and meet different types of people, you will, no doubt, run into people who are goofy and weird in our eyes. This is because we are from another region or something. However, just because someone may be goofy, does not mean that we should see them as irrelevant.

Conclusion

In summary, we need to be careful that we do not make assumptions about those who criticize us in haste. God uses all types of people, and it could be that He is giving us some wisdom through those who come to us with their criticisms. Our pride will rob us of some godly wisdom if we are not careful. It suffices to say that we must be careful about assumptions we make about those who criticize!

Look For Our Next Post In This Series: Sinful Responses To Criticism

Spiritual Leadership: A Commitment to Excellence for Every Believer

By J. Oswald Sanders / Moody Publishers

Charles Colson called it “the best book on Christian leadership I’ve read.” Discover why this timeless classic continues to equip tomorrow’s ministers—and challenges today’s shepherds—toward greater effectiveness! Revised and updated, Sanders’s hard-hitting study explores the essential qualities of a godly leader—and offers sterling examples from Scripture and Christian history. Includes study guide.
In these pages, J. Oswald Sanders presents the key principles of leadership in both the temporal and spiritual realms, illustrating his points with examples from Scriptures and the biographies of emenent men of God.

Not too long ago, while speaking with the assistant pastor of my home church, it was related to me that when criticized it was important to respond in an appropriate manner. Anyone with a conscience wants to do this, but if we are honest about it, then we will admit that failure is commonplace. Thinking about the statements Brother Frank Shumate made to me included the purposeful, “Thank You!” to the one who criticized you. I will have to admit that I have never thought about it in that sort of way.

In later posts we will address this in more detail, but we need be careful about our initial assumptions of people’s motive and character who look us in the eye and share a criticism. Not everyone comes across the right way, especially if they are upset, or nervous about speaking with you as pastor. It is also very important that we honestly listen to what is being said. This is so hard… isn’t it? It is even harder when you already have an issue with someone!

Learn To Be Thankful

(1 Thessalonians 5:18) “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”  (KJV)

I, for one, have not arrived to a place in life where I get excited about someone critiquing me. Celebrating the bleeding wounds left by an irate church member, or a solemn, grave looking laymen in the church is not on top of my “to-do” list each week. However, I can be thankful for the opportunity, which God has providentially given, to exhibit the fruits of the Holy Ghost.

We can preach sermons impregnated with great instruction, but a sermon is shoes is much more palatable. Handling moments like these is very important to you, them and onlookers. This is an ongoing process that will be mixed with utter failure, but we can LEARN to be thankful for criticism!

Just yesterday I came across a great blog post that spoke to my heart on this aspect of handling criticism. The writer of this piece was relating that when criticized we should be thankfully reminded that we are in the “game”, and not on the sidelines. It is really easy for people to see things from the sidelines. Sometimes they get it right and sometimes they get it wrong, but, at least, we are usually trying to move forward!

3 Ways To Express Thankfulness For Those Who Criticized You

Below are three simple suggestions as to how to effectively be thankful for those who criticize you and show it.

#1 – Express Your Thankfulness Through Your Speech 

(Proverbs 15:1) “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”  (KJV)

When you are criticized, do not try to defend yourself. Usually, this make things much worse and you leave the high ground. You become defensive and will, most likely, miss out on any helpful thoughts from the person. A simple, “Thank you for your thoughts!” will do you much good for a couple of reasons. One, it will help you gain the respect of the person who criticized you if they are truly trying to be helpful by their criticism in the first place. And two, it will serve to take the steam out of the person if they are simply trying to start a conflict.

#2 – Express Your Thankfulness Through Your Actions

When speaking with someone who is critical of you in some way, be sure to not make things worse by having a scowl on your face. As hard as it might be, keep a smile on your face. Shake their hand firmly, and maybe throw an arm around their back. Do not treat them inappropriately. Be kind and gracious. You never know… you might gain a true friend!

#3 – Express Your Thankfulness Through Your Prayers

I strongly suggest that you pray with the person before the criticism takes place. (That is, if you know it is coming – a pre-arranged meeting, etc.) When you are done speaking be sure to have a word of prayer as well. This is important! If someone is truly concerned about honoring the Lord Jesus with their reproof, then they will want to cap things of in the spirit of prayer.

Private prayer after the meeting is over when you are alone is important. Bitterness, anger, and contempt will seek a lodging place in your heart if you do not guard yourself. Sincere praise and thankfulness for the criticism is the only sure balm for your soul. Indeed, it is the only way to keep a sweet spirit!

Conclusion…

I am not perfect in this area of criticism. I wish I were, but I feel that these things will help all of us handle criticism much better. Bottom line pastor, be thankful for those who criticize you and your ministry!

Be On The Lookout For The Next Post In This Series: Criticism – A Gift From God